I'm not dead yet..

OK, so let me just start this next blog post by saying, if u were worried, I have not killed myself since the last blog post. :D In fact, I am probably more financially stressed now, but i am happy, so that works.  Brooke Spivey is coming to my house today, and that makes me excited. She is one of my best friends of my whole life and i havent seen her in forever and I am just overfilled with anticipation of how much fun we will have tonight!! it's 4:20 in the afternoon. I need to be doing homework so i can hang out when i get off work. peace be with u  all.

Life is Dragging Me Down

Things I guess are changing a lot for me compared to last semester..when I last posted on his blog. I am now much more financially and educationally stressed, an I am way overworked.  I don't know what to do other than just continually exist on this insane planet...Until I fucking die.. Why do any of us even exist on this earth anyways? No matter how you look at it, there is no point...If you believe in God, which I feel I do sometimes..(since I don't know for sure I feel I think of any possibility as a hypothetical situation) then what kind of a cruel control freak must he be to create such monsters called humanity, and cause them to have to be born in a society and make friends and enemies and fight and kill the planet on which they live until they have dug themselves into a cycle of destruction that they cant ever stop?  if there is no God, then what is the point of life? Why live on a planet and have dreams and aspirations when you could die any moment and within a few years...you will be nothing to anyone..just a memory and then--it will be like you never existed.  Sure, you can leave your mark on the world..but what does any of it matter, when the people that remember you are just going to be history too one day..they aren't going to exist. One day humanity wont even exist. 

                      I have also felt lately that it is stupid to try to make friends.  The more you make, the more easy it is to get betrayed later..sure you can hang out with people and have a good time..but all this secret telling and BFF bullshit is highly overrated..at least in my situation..I do have an awesome fiancée, but he and my closest family is all I feel I need.  Sure, I am willing to help people, and ask for help and whatever. I have a heart. but I don't want to to trust anyone ever. People change so much.  I refuse to even fully trust my fiancée or my family because all we are are a bunch of machines..a couple of pieces of someone's brain get damaged, and they have potential to become a totally different person..like putting a different engine in a car.. I hate living with people. I hate going to school. don't get me wrong, I love to LEARN, but I hate being so stressed over with deadlines for grades, papers, and schedules, and trying to balance that with schedules for work and due dates for bills..Why is life so cruel? Sure it's bittersweet..But sometimes we run out of sugar and have to have some pretty gross lunches and dinners.  I don't have enough money and time to learn fast enough to make good grades.  

                     I feel like I am always misunderstood..I also feel like I misunderstand people many a time. I also feel like there have been many times when I completely understood that certain people are always gonna be fake ass pieces of shit that aren't worth my time so why did I waste my time on them in the first place? Some  of these people I even get along with..I feel like I am just stuck with them and they are stuck with me for this piece of our lives.

                      Don't get me wrong, I don't walk around wearing all black and screaming fuck the world. I'm a   pretty normal looking and acting person..maybe that's why I feel like I am going to explode..maybe that's why I don't feel the desire to exist..but I'm scaring myself, because the more life beats down on me, the more i understand where all these crazy psycho murderers and stuff are coming from..and people who kill themselves.  I don't think I want to die, I just want to live and enjoy life..which I don't have time to do now..I don't feel like its worth it to work so much or school so much..but you have to have money..I just want to live on an island in a treehouse and eat coconuts and fish, and run around butt-naked all the time and enjoy nature.      but I dont even know how to get there..and thats my only dream that I feel might could come true..without me going crazy first.. : (

HOw to Use Logic..notes

-IF you crate MIDI in Logic, u can export the midi as well...
-Logic can run off your sound card or the CORE Audio...Or the DM box..go to preferences, just like Garage Band....
-There are alot more different instruments than in garage band, but they are located in the same place as all the instruments on garage band...
-Logic Cost About $450
-If you go inside the "brain" (bottom left of the screen) (hold the mouse over for a moment with the button down) , you will find the tone generators, which can change the sound of your many different instruments.YOu can literally synthesize any sound you want..
-There is a little mini window inside the track regions...not like all the other DAWs...
-There is also a sample editor on the bottom window, along with another little toolbar in the window on the bottom..
-Loops also look like garage band, execpt there are so many more loops..
-I CANT WAIT TO PLAY IN LOGIC!!!!!!!!!!!
-ok now i'm supposed to play in logic...new creations shall be posted soon... :)

Stupid Bitches

I am in computer music class at the moment...i guess i'm gonna teach you a little about recording and digital audio....Pro tools and logic are both very similar...with Logic, you can buy the software and it comes with 60 extra gigabytes of fun things to play with...Pro tools is super expensive, but it comes with only the software...Both Logic and Pro Tools are used all the time today, intertwined with each other. On PCs, you have caskewalk, Sonar, Cuebase. All have incorporated MIDI and audio now. WOO-HOO.  Mixcrack version 5 is ALMOST as good as garage band...hmm....ok thanks for listening to my lecture...

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